


Interstate Love Song

by lorax



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Character of Color, F/F, F/M, Female Character of Color, Multi, Threesome, Threesome - F/F/F, Yuletide, Yuletide 2010
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-18
Updated: 2010-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-13 18:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/140291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorax/pseuds/lorax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five road trips Caroline's taken, and one she hasn't gotten to yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interstate Love Song

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shopfront](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shopfront/gifts).



> Written for [](http://shopfront.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**shopfront**](http://shopfront.dreamwidth.org/) , who wanted Caroline/Bonnie. I hope this suits you! Section titles taken from Beatles songs, and story title from a Stone Temple Pilots song, which is otherwise unrelated. Thank you to James (a hero from the Yuletide chat) for the beta!

  


######    
_"And here's where we died that time last year,  
and where the angels and devils meet.  
And you can dance with the queen if you need.  
And she will always keep your cards close to her heart,  
so close to her heart.  
Before they tear you apart."  
\-- The Gaslight Anthem, "American Slang"_   


  


**You've Really Got a Hold On Me**  
Bonnie drove with her hands at two and ten, and five miles under the limit. Caroline totally got that she'd only just gotten her license, but there were limits. "It's 70 here! God, can't you just go? A little? Please? For me? There's like no one on the road. At this rate, the game will be over by the time we get to North Arlington, and this whole thing will have been for nothing."

"It will have been for nothing anyway if we crash and die. Or get a ticket, since then I'll be killed anyway," Bonnie answered.

"We left early, it'll be fine," Elena said from the backseat, and Caroline refrained from rolling her eyes at the placating tone. "I think it's two miles to the exit, and then we get back on the westbound for like thirty miles."

Caroline started to point out that she'd **been there before** , and knew the way when the car suddenly lurched; the loud burst of a tire and the tinny clank of a hubcap falling off accompanied the sudden movement. She shrieked in surprise, clutching at the door, Elena and Bonnie's voices doing the same thing as Bonnie frantically tried to straighten the car out. The car screeched to a stop beside the deserted highway, and Caroline sat for a moment, catching her breath and then looking around frantically. "Are you-"

"I'm fine. Bonnie?" Elena had gotten tossed to the side of the backseat, but she sat up, reaching to touch Bonnie's shoulder.

Bonnie hunched over the wheel, shaking. "My mom's going to kill me."

"She won't, it's not your fault. It was the tire," Elena reassured her.

Caroline shook her hand out and looked from Bonnie's pale, guilty face to Elena's and then opened the car door. "Or we could just change the tire, replace the spare and not tell her?"

"I don't know how to-" Bonnie started to say.

Caroline waved her hand dismissively. "Please, my mom wouldn't even let me into a car without her until I had a phone to call 911, pepper spray, and knew how to change a tire. Someone go find the hubcap, and pop the trunk," she ordered.

Elena looked dubious, but she slipped out, heading down the road a short ways to pick up the now-bent hubcap as Bonnie popped the trunk and came to stand shoulder to shoulder with Caroline as she took the cover off the spare. Or tried to. "There's no spare. How did your mom let you drive without a spare?"

"I guess she forgot to replace it after she ran over that nail last year."

Elena dropped the hubcap into the trunk as Caroline rummaged, searching for a can of tire patching spray. She didn't find that, either, and Elena flipped her phone open. "Great, no service here."

Bonnie checked her phone, and Caroline tried to text with hers, but there were no bars. "This is North Arlington's fault. Why couldn't they just have their home games somewhere else? Plus the Gamecock is completely the stupidest mascot ever." Bonnie's mouth twitched in an almost smile as Caroline huffed, hiding her own smile. "Okay, so we walk to the nearest call box, and then wait in the car. With the doors locked, in case of wandering psychos or something."

They made it about halfway to the call box before the first ominous, fat drops of water dripped down from the sky. "Oh GREAT," Bonnie grumbled. By the time they'd called for a trooper to come, the scattered drops had turned into a steady stream of cold rain. Caroline grabbed for Bonnie's hand, and Elena took her other hand and the three of them ran back toward the car.

They were panting and Bonnie's annoyance had turned into the helpless, giggling laughter that came when things had just gone so ridiculously wrong that they turned from bad into hilarious. Elena grabbed a blanket from the back of the car and the three of them piled into the backseat, locking the doors and shedding sopping wet jackets and huddling together.

Caroline was chilled to the bone, and she was pretty sure her makeup had run down her face to turn her into a raccoon. Her hair was ruined, and probably her suede shoes as well. It was hard to be pissed about it though when Bonnie was laughing so hard she shook, and Elena kept trying to wring her hair out into Caroline's lap while she half-heartedly swatted her away. It was stupid, and they were never going to make it to the game, but it was just fun. And funny. "I think we might have to tell your mom now."

Bonnie laughed again, wrinkling her nose. "I'll just tell her I ran over a nail. I mean I might have anyway, and it's not like she can say anything. She did the same thing. HEY!" She directed the last toward Elena, who had successfully dripped on her instead, leaning across Caroline to do it. "You're pushing it, Gilbert."

"You love it, Bennet." Elena grinned her crooked, impish smile. Bonnie reached across Caroline to press two fingers to Elena's lips, shushing her. "So how long do you think it will be?"

"It probably depends on if the trooper's on a doughnut break." Elena elbowed Caroline, and she laughed. "My mom's a cop, that means I get lifetime rights to bad cop jokes, okay?"

"I'm telling your mom," Elena joked.

"She probably wouldn't even notice, anyway." Bonnie's giggling stopped, and Elena's cold hand wrapped around Caroline's arm, squeezing lightly. After a moment, Bonnie's hand joined her there. Caroline envied Elena sometimes, for parents who always seemed to care what she and Jeremy did, and the way Elena could actually talk to them. Caroline and her mother mostly spoke in voicemail messages and rolling eyes, these days. She didn't mean to, usually, but Caroline could never seem to help it. The things that came easy to Elena and Bonnie, Caroline had to work for. It was just how it was. They'd all made the cheerleading squad, but Caroline had faithfully practiced for weeks. Bonnie had picked up the routines two nights before tryouts, and Elena hadn't taken much longer than that.

It was just how it was, and Caroline was mostly used to it. She missed her mom, though, even if she spent like eighty percent of her life annoyed about something her mom said, or didn't say.

She missed a lot of things. Like this, just her and Elena and Bonnie sitting around. Things got more complicated the older they got. Matt hung around more, since him and Elena started dating. And even when they did get together, they talked about boys more than they did other things. Usually it was her fishing for gossip, but Caroline still wondered when they'd gone from little girls at slumber parties to sixteen. Elena and Bonnie already talked about college, sometimes. Caroline couldn't even think past hoping to make Head Cheerleader next year. Everyone was in a rush, but once in a while she wished everything would slow down and give her a chance to breathe, just in case this really was the best time of her life. (Which would suck, but that didn't mean it might not be how it turned out.)

Elena's fingers were warming against her skin, Caroline sank down in the seat to sit level with them, tilting her head onto Elena's shoulder. "God, it's freezing," Bonnie complained, and twisted, folding herself onto the bench and laying her head on Caroline's knee, blanket over her face so she was burrowed completely beneath her.

Elena hefted the blanket over her head so it tented over the three of them. Bonnie's fingers traced patterns onto Caroline's thigh, and when Caroline turned her head, her lips brushed against Elena's throat, feeling the muscles work as Elena swallowed. "So how's things with Matt?" Caroline asked, and winced at herself for asking.

Bonnie's fingers paused, and Elena hesitated, stiffening against Caroline for a moment. "He's okay. He's Matt. You know how it is."

"Yeah," Bonnie answered. "It'll be a month since you two officially started dating soon, right?"

"Thursday," Elena answered quietly. Her hair fell damply against Caroline's cheek. "Can we just . . . not talk about Matt? It seems like it's been forever since it was-"

"Just us," Caroline finished.

"We could kick him out of the clubhouse. No boys allowed." Bonnie's fingers were moving again, and Caroline straightened her leg, lengthening the line of thigh, breath catching for a moment when Bonnie's fingers drifted a little higher. "Do you remember when him and Tyler had that butt ugly cardboard box fort, and wouldn't let us in?"

"God, they were so pissy when we sprayed it with a hose," Caroline laughed.

"We're still talking about them," Elena pointed out. "Can we talk about something else? Like who's going to try to talk my mom into giving us a ride everywhere when Bonnie's grounded and can't have the car? No! Not the ribs!" Elena dissolved into laughter as Bonnie sat up, tickling ruthlessly at Elena's sides.

"Personal space people!" Caroline yelped as she took an elbow to the ribs from someone. The blanket started to slip and Caroline reached up to stop it from falling down. Her hand stretched over her head, and Bonnie leaned in at the same time, chest pressing against Caroline's, Elena twisted against Caroline's other side, Bonnie close enough that she was almost in Caroline's lap. Caroline could feel Bonnie's breath against her face, Elena's hand creeping up her side.

Caroline tilted her head back, and Bonnie's chin angled down, and their lips brushed together, soft enough that it could have been an accident, but then Bonnie pressed in, and Caroline's heart sped a beat as Elena's mouth pressed against the bare skin of her shoulder, where the neckline of her shirt had dragged down with the wet of the fabric. She felt Elena's hand move, and Bonnie shiver, but the dim light filtering through the blanket kept her from seeing what Elena was doing.

She slipped a hand down, finding Elena's hand, following it to where it disappeared under the edge of Bonnie's shirt, fingers brushing soft skin and mouth finding Bonnie's for another kiss.

A jarring thud of hand against glass broke them apart with a start. Elena yanked the blanket down, flushing red and sitting up as Bonnie dropped onto the seat beside Caroline, eyes cast carefully down. A middle-aged cop stood outside the window, rain dripping down his mustache. "You girls call for help?"

Bonnie scrambled out of the car, Elena following after a moment. Caroline waited, blanket still huddled around her until Elena called for her to hurry.

~~~

 **She's Leaving Home**  
"I **can** just drive myself, mom," Caroline said, again, dropping her head back against the headrest, making it thunk just loud enough to draw her mother's eyes away from the road toward her for a second. "It's not like I need a babysitter."

"I know that." Elizabeth's hands were tight enough around the wheel that Caroline could see the white at her knuckles. "I just thought it would be nice. To talk for a little while. After what happened. . ." she trailed off, and Caroline looked from her mother's white knuckles to the passing scenery outside her window. "We just don't have much time alone."

"We don't have much time at all," Caroline shot back. She wasn't sure why she said it, but she couldn't seem to help it. Her mom tried, and Caroline KNEW she tried, but somehow it always turned into them fighting, or not talking at all. It wasn't just her mother's fault, their conversations always brought out Caroline's inner bitch. But she resented the efforts as always being too little, too late. Wanting to talk to her because one of Caroline's best friend's parents died was just screwed up, no matter how you looked at it.

Her mother sighed, defeated sounding, and Caroline winced, staring fixedly out the window. "I just don't want something to happen, and us. . .not have known each other anymore."

"I don't think we ever knew each other."

"You're sixteen, Caroline. You barely even know who you are yet," Elizabeth snapped, and then grimaced. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that there's so much more to life, and you haven't even scratched the surface."

"Right, after high school I can always just stick around and be a divorced cop with a daughter she has to kidnap for a car ride so she can figure out how to talk to her." Caroline flinched as soon as she'd said it, looking down and then over at her mother, who was staring in fixed embarrassment at the road. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's all right." Caroline fidgeted in her seat, and Liz played with the wiper speed in the light drizzle, neither of them speaking until her mother cleared her throat. "So, when do cheerleading practices start up? You're not nervous about stepping into Abigail's shoes as Captain, are you?"

"No, I've got everything planned out. It's going to be perfect this year," Caroline answered.

"Is Elena still on the squad?"

"Yeah. I mean she won't be at practices to start with, probably, but I think she's staying. I don't know. I haven't talked to her much." Caroline had hugged her at the funeral, but she hadn't known what to say, and she'd felt strangely like an interloper. Bonnie had been standing by Elena's side, and it'd been Bonnie Elena that talked to, not Caroline. She was Captain of the Cheerleading squad, in line for Miss Mystic Falls this year, if Elena didn't compete - Caroline was still always running a distant second to Elena, even with her own best friend. Caroline loved Bonnie and Elena, but Bonnie was her best friend, and Elena was Bonnie's. It was something she was used to, but it never quite stopped being a little prick of hurt, whenever she thought about it. "She's had other things on her mind, I guess."

"I can't blame her. It's terrible. Poor Elena, and Jeremy. And Jenna means well, but it can't be easy - Elena probably has to practically take care of her, not the other way around." Elizabeth pulled to a stop at the light, waiting for the arbitrary blink from red to green in the utterly empty streets. Caroline refrained from pointing out that running lights should totally be a perk of being Sheriff. "So is there anything else you want to tell me. Is there a boy, maybe?"

"God, mom!"

"What? I'm just asking!"

Caroline thought uncomfortably of Bonnie and Elena, and all the nights she'd spent watching Elena with Matt, or Bonnie flirt with waiters, and wondering if there was something wrong with her, some signal she gave off that she didn't know, that kept the boys from seeing her when Elena or Bonnie was there. Maybe that was just how it was though. She tried harder and was always less seen. Sometimes, she didn't get why that was, but then she'd look at Elena's smile, or hear Bonnie's laugh, and then it just seemed like it was the way things were supposed to be, no matter how she felt about it. "No, there's no one," she answered finally.

Her mother looked at her like she didn't quite believe her, but pulled the car into the parking lot in front of the mall. "I know you can't be seen with me without committing social suicide, so I won't ask if you want me to come, but maybe we could do a movie night this weekend? Just you and me?"

It was never just them. It was them and Caroline's cell, or Liz's beeper, but she managed, for once, not to say that. "Yeah. . .that'd be nice. Nothing Disney though. I'm so not in the mood for singing animals." Caroline slipped out of the car and hesitated before adding a quick and quiet, "love you, mom."

Liz smiled, sheepish and pleased. "Love you too, honey."

~~~

 **Why Don't We Do It In The Road?**  
"I'm doing my best," Caroline said, voice low. She pressed up against the car door, as far away from Katherine as she could get without leaving the vehicle.

"It's not enough, is it? You're alive because you're useful, what do you think happens when you're not anymore, hmm Caroline?" Katherine's mouth quirked the same way Elena's did when she said Caroline's name. The tone, the tilt of her head - everything was exactly the same. Until Caroline met her eyes, and then everything was different. She reached a slim hand down to the gears, shifting into fourth and gunning the engine of the sleek sports car she drove. Caroline didn't know where she'd gotten it. Caroline had never seen it before, and she doubted it belonged to Katherine.

"Could you slow down?" Caroline asked. The speeding car made her remember the last crash, and the rush of adrenaline and fear that came with it. It made it hard to think straight.

"You don't get it, do you? Pretty little Caroline. I could drive this car off a cliff and we would walk away from it. It wouldn't even be a bad day. You're immortal. You're indestructible." Katherine grinned, Elena's beauty with a sharp edge that made Caroline shudder. "Until I say otherwise," she added, reaching across the space between them, letting the car swerve and sliding her hand across Caroline's cheek in a soft, barely there caress. "I can be a good friend, Caroline," she murmured. The caress turned into an iron grip, jerking Caroline across the space between them, mouth sealing against Caroline's in a kiss that was all biting fangs and bruising force. "All you have to do is everything I tell you to. What do you have to lose?"

Her friends, her mother, her humanity, it was all already being pared away, piece by piece. She couldn't trust Katherine. She knew that. Katherine terrified her, and confused her, and she was _so strong_. All of Caroline's new strength, her speed - all of it was nothing next to Katherine. No matter how much everything changed, she was still always _less_.

Caroline jerked away as soon as Katherine's grip eased, and then screamed as Katherine gunned the engine, twisting the wheel sharply enough that the tires squealed as the car careened off the road, slamming into the concrete half-walls lining the road. She felt her body move, the car crumpling in slow motion almost, the airbag bursting out to meet her. She put a hand out, reflexes fast enough to reach the dash before the airbag exploded, but not quite fast enough to keep her body from jerking forward, colliding with the airbag.

She felt her nose break, blood running down her face as she sat up. Before she could do anything else, the airbag was torn from the dashboard, and Katherine was there, straddling her lap and leaning over her, pinning Caroline back to the seat, the metal of the car still crunching, the engine chugging a helpless, dying cycle.

Dark hair brushed Caroline's face, and Katherine's fingers touched her nose, that same almost-gentle touch for just a moment before they twisted brutally, pushing the cartilage and bone back into place, drawing a sharp gasp that didn't even have time to turn into a scream before it began to heal.

"You see?" Katherine asked quietly, tilting her had, mouth sliding along Caroline's jaw. "I can do _anything_. If you help me, then I can teach you to do anything. I can take you places your little, small-town beauty queen runner-up dreams never thought of. Aren't you tired of always being small? Being second choice?"

The pale fingers under her chin were smooth, and when they were gentle, they felt like Elena's touch. The hair was the same texture, the skin the same smooth feel where it pressed against Caroline's thigh, both of their skirts ridden up far enough that they were thigh to thigh, chest to chest. Katherine's breasts were soft against Caroline's, and when she slipped a hand down to cup Caroline's chest, Caroline's stomach dropped and her back arched and she thought of a car, years before, and Elena pressed against one side, Bonnie on the other.

When Katherine kissed her this time, it was softer, lighter, and Caroline closed her eyes and kissed back. It stretched on and on, without breath or movement, the car finally settling still and silent around them.

The crunch of tires on the grass nearby made Caroline open her eyes, and Katherine leaned away, smile sly and full of promise and allure. Elena's heart-shaped face wearing an alien expression, a caricature of Elena at her most charming and teasing, the way Caroline never saw her anymore. "I even have a witch friend," Katherine said, and laughed, shoving the door off its hinges with a casual shove and sliding off of Caroline's lap.

"You girls all right?" a trucker with a beer belly and a stars and stripes tee shirt peered at them as Caroline climbed from the car, dried blood beneath her nose and the car a crumpled, twisted form behind her.

Katherine laughed. "Oh we're excellent. We could use a ride though. And a snack," she teased, catching his eye and holding it, making his face go slack and complacent. "Hungry, Caroline?"

Caroline shook her head, watching Katherine's hair swing, and the predatory half-circle she made around the trucker. She could hear the drone of approaching sirens on the highway and her lips tasted like blood and Katherine, who tasted like Elena, somehow.

But it wasn't real. And Caroline was tired of being second choice, but she was tired of being fake, too, and of being afraid. "You need me," she told Katherine.

"Excuse me?" Katherine took her eyes off of the trucker, and stared at Caroline instead, the seduction slipping away from her face, her expression all calculation and menace now. Caroline wondered if she'd always been like this, changeable and false, or if she'd been Elena, once upon a time.

"You need me. If you were going to kill me for not telling you what you want to hear, you would have already, so just. . . Back off and let me try."

Katherine paced closer, and she smiled again. "So she has a spine." She rolled her eyes, turning away with a dismissive shrug. "Fine. But if you don't tell me something useful soon, I'll kill your mother, your friends, your colorless little boyfriend, and I'll finish up by letting you watch while I cut out Elena's heart. You and Damon can cry on each other's shoulders." She reached for the trucker, pulling him closer and baring her fangs. "Understood?"

"Let him go." Caroline stood straighter and reached, jerking the man away from Katherine before the older vampire bothered to try to stop her. Caroline caught his eyes, compelling him. "Get back in your truck, and start driving, and don't stop until you hit the exit."

He nodded dumbly, and started to shuffle back toward his truck.

Caroline watched and then grinned. "I like them a little more tender anyway." She leaned in, catching Caroline's mouth for another swift, hard kiss. "Be seeing you," she murmured, tongue licking along Caroline's ear before she spun, running away with a blur of speed, heading back toward Mystic Falls.

Caroline wrapped her arms around herself, waiting for the trucker to pull away before she ran after Katherine, back toward home.

~~~

 **Not a Second Time**  
"Well this is just. . . festive." Damon's eyebrow quirked as he stared at the array of lights and inflatable snowmen dotted about the yards around them. "Nothing makes me less hungry than kitsch. I don't even want a blood bag now."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Can you just hurry up or something?" It was pointless, and the look Damon threw her said as much. There weren't that many streets in Mystic Falls, but it was pretty hard to get anywhere without cruising past Main Street in one way or another, and when there were 80 cars backed up looking at the decorations between them and the highway, they weren't going to get anywhere in a hurry unless they got out and ran. And they couldn't do that, since they had Elena's car, and needed to bring it back eventually, not leave it parked in the middle of a massive line of sedans full of kids.

"I could go lift the cars out of the way and clear a path." Damon leaned back in the seat, driving with two fingers on the wheel and the other arm behind his head. "I seriously could. I won't, but I could."

"Fine. Just shut up." Last year, Caroline had been on the committee that helped put the decorations together. This year, she'd be on the float parade as Miss Mystic Falls. Last year, she'd campaigned against inflatable snowmen and tacky candy canes, and lost. This year, she didn't even care, and she wished that she did. Her life was a lot simpler when all she had to worry about was garlands and clothes and sneaking in past curfew without her mother knowing. Now it was vampires and witches and the constant, rumbling hunger that wanted to steal all of her attention until she gave in and ate something--or someone. She missed caring about Christmas. She missed putting up the tree with Elena and Bonnie, because her mom never remembered until it was practically Christmas day. The three of them would make popcorn and put on The Grinch and argue over why the lights never worked right. Everything was different now.

"Where's your holiday spirit?" Damon asked, inching another car length forward in the heavy traffic. Caroline fisted her hand on the door handle, feeling the plastic start to crunch before she let go. She ignored him, but he went on. "You know, usually I try to work to get in the spirit. Drink some egg nog, see Santa at the mall, eat a caroler. But I don't know, this year it's just different. Mystic Falls is a holiday kind of town. I feel like a new man. I might even get Stefan something this year. Probably a bottle of scotch spiked with vervain, but it's the thought that counts right?"

"You're not," Caroline told him flatly. Damon looked over, inching up another space and Caroline considered just getting out and leaving him there. She stayed where she was though, rolling the window up and twisting in her seat to face him. "You're not a new man. You're not a man at all."

"Sticks and stones may-"

"Just stop. For like, five minutes, can you stop and shut up? You know, I get it. I wasn't a person to you. I was FOOD. No one was a person to you, because you weren't a person. But now you're all Edwarded up and trying to be a better man so Elena will love you. It's all about Elena. It's always about Elena. Believe me, I get it. But it won't be you. Everybody knows that it won't be you in the end. But you're. . . I don't know. Hanging out with my mom and talking to Jeremy and showing up all the time, and have some kind of weird BFF thing with my history teacher. So you're changing, but you're not a man. You're not a new man, and you're not a man, because if you were, then _everything_ would change. Like really change. And you would feel bad about what you did to me, and to Vicky, and to everyone else that you've screwed over, but you don't. You only feel bad about the things you've done that Elena gets pissed about. Because you were a monster, and you were doing what monsters do."

Caroline pulled at a stray bit of thread on the hem of her jacket, feeling it unravel along the seam. "You do terrible things. I should hate you. Everyone should hate you. But I don't because when I hang out with Elena, or my mom, or Bonnie, part of me wants to rip their throat out, and it would be so much easier if I just didn't care. But I can't do that. I don't _want_ to do that. I'm monstrous, but I'm not a monster. I won't be you."

She laughed bitterly. "I kind of always thought my life might be completely over after high school, but that doesn't mean I want to kill off everything that matters to me. That's what you did, and I get it. You stopped caring about anything, and acted like the monster you are. But that's not working anymore, because you want all the crap you wanted when you were human. It's not going to work, but. . . you're trying, and I can kind of respect that, if it was real. But it's not, because if you really gave a damn, you would apologize to Matt for Vicky, and to everyone else, and to me. You took away my memories, and my choices, and you hurt me, and you treated me like complete crap, and you know what? I was probably stupid enough that I would have let you, even if you hadn't compelled me, because I just wanted someone to like me, for once. But you did, and now it's like, Elena lets you in her life, and you're Stefan's brother, and no one really trusts you but you're always around. You're like a stray dog that bites, and ruins the rug, but no one ever kicks out because you're cute, and sometimes you look like you're sorry about it afterward."

Damon said nothing, and Caroline looked up at him. "I'm supposed to just be okay with it. I'm so not. I have to be anyway, but I'm not okay with it. None of this is okay, and it's not GOING to be okay because you flipped a switch and want to be a new man so you can get the girl. You should be sorry, if any of this was real. You should be sorry EVERY MINUTE, because I've done way less than you, and all I am is sorry, all the time. You don't get to be a monster one day, but then a man the next just because you want to date Elena. You have to work for it. _I_ have to work for it, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to screw it up, but I don't want to end up like you. I don't want to not care and screw over anybody who cares about me. I don't want to hurt people."

Damon was quiet for a long moment, and when he spoke, it was too-even, almost the careful way Stefan spoke to her sometimes, when he was trying to find a way to explain something that didn't make it sound like she was a slavering monster who had to control her bloodlust. "It gets harder. You can point fingers at me from your vapid blond high horse, but give it ten years, or twenty, or thirty. Wait until everything's changed except you, and everything mortal seems stupid and fleeting and see how much you care then. You already compelled your mom. It just gets easier, every time."

"I had to do that, I had no-"

"That's how it starts. Pretty soon, you won't even think about it. A bite here and there that you make sure they don't remember. Your mom calls too much and bugs you, so you plant a nice little memory about a girl's night out. Things get awkward with waiter-boy, so you zap a few days worth of one-last-times. It's how it goes. It doesn't matter where your intentions start out. We all come out the same in the end."

Caroline shook her head. "Stefan-"

"Stefan's on this whole good guy kick now. It won't last. Do you really think he'll hold out when things get rough? When Elena's starting to get old and saggy? Trust me. It won't last."

"I don't trust you. And I don't care. I'm not going to end up like you."

"I guess we'll find out, blondie." Damon kept his eyes on the road, and the decorations as they crept along the busy street, pasting on a smile to wave back to a few people who stood along the sidewalks. Caroline didn't bother to wave, or to smile, just stared down at her own unraveling sleeve.

"Would it matter?" Damon asked suddenly. "If I said I was sorry, would it really matter?"

No. It wouldn't matter. It wouldn't be real. It'd be like when Caroline's mother made her apologize for something she'd said at school, when she was five and angry about some one stealing the last cherry jell-o. It was just words. "If you meant it, maybe. I don't know. But you won't mean it, so it doesn't matter. Maybe this whole. . .change thing will work, and someday you'll mean it. But until then, just don't say anything. We're not friends, and I don't forgive you, but we can fake it, and maybe some day it will actually be real. We'll probably run into each other at Founder's Day parties two centuries from now, so maybe by then you won't be so full of crap." Probably not, but Caroline was good at faking. It came with the whole blond cheerleader routine. Pom-poms, superficiality, and lies, she supposed.

The silence stretched on, so Caroline leaned forward, switching on the radio. A cheery rendition of _Jingle Bells_ rang out, and Caroline half smiled, rolling the window back down. She pointed toward the tree in the center of town. "You see the angel on top? I bought that last year, when the last topper crashed off the tree because Bonnie is the biggest klutz ever, sometimes."

Damon gave her a long look, wincing at the music, and then looking over at the tree. "It's nice. Tasteful," he finally said.

"I know. It totally doesn't fit in with all the dancing snowmen, right? This town is hopeless. They wouldn't know style if Tim Gunn showed up at their door," Caroline answered, leaning back in her seat again. "Stefan packed blood in the cooler, if you want."

Damon muttered a thanks, still not quite looking at her as he reached back toward the cooler, and Caroline twisted the volume louder, and ignored him, singing along after a moment.

~~~~

 **Her Majesty**  
"Seriously, what did you think you were doing?" Caroline dropped down on the Gilbert's sofa beside Elena, who sat with her arms crossed, a mulish expression on her face.

"You don't get it. This is all because of me. What happened to you, Jenna getting hurt, Jeremy - all of it. It's because of me. Everyone I love gets hurt, or gets. . .caught up in this crazy thing that all comes back to me. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to keep everyone I love safe, and make it _stop_ ," Elena told her.

"By what, offering yourself up on a platter to some prehistoric vampire? Of course it's about you. Duh. But it's not, because you're just. . . I don't know. Just something. You're just you, and if you give them what they want, then it's all. . .game over. All those vampires will just get to waltz around in the daylight, chomping on people. Not all vampires are like Stefan. MOST vampires aren't like Stefan. Not even Stefan is like Stefan all of the time."

"Don't you think I know that?"

"I don't know what you know anymore. All I ever talk to you about is my weird vampire cravings, or your psycho-stalker pseudo boyfriend. Who, by the way, I don't appreciate putting me on Elena babysitting duty. OR that no one called me until after Bonnie voo-dooed you into staying in the house."

Elena sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. "I'm sorry. It's just been crazy, and Damon said you were with Tyler. . ."

"There's something seriously out of whack when I hear from Damon more than I do you," Caroline told her.

Elena looked guilty. "I know. I'm sorry. I just don't always know what to say to you anymore."

"Welcome to my life last year." Caroline leaned back and she shook her head. "It sucks. All of it. But it's just. . .you dying isn't going to fix anything, Elena. There's too many people who would be fallout."

"That's what I'm trying to avoid. Or WAS trying. Before I was imprisoned in my own house."

"It's too late. You've spent seventeen years being Elena. You're the Bella," Caroline told her.

Elena wrinkled her nose. "I'm going to pretend that I don't know what that means."

"Okay, so it's not the best analogy or whatever, but you are. Everything revolves around you. It did when we were all trying out for cheerleading, or running around playing Barbies, and it does now when there's all this crazy vampire, werewolf stuff going on. It's just who you are. And you NOT being you, or not being around at all, is never going to be the way to fix it, because then people will just circle around where you used to be. Like. . . Sharks, when people toss blood into the water."

Elena laughed, startled and rueful. "Could you just stop comparing me to things now? I'm not coming out looking great."

"You know what I mean." Caroline looked at her, measuring all the ways she looked like Katherine, and counting all the tiny nuances that said that she wasn't her. "People love you. I love you. And we need you to be around."

"I just want people to be safe. You, Bonnie, Jeremy, Jenna - everyone. And no one is safe anymore. Nothing is normal. It's like everything keeps changing, and just when I start to catch up and get used to it, it all goes to hell again, and I'm left feeling like I'll always be a step behind." Elena brushed her hair back behind her ear.

"I know." Caroline understood, and she reached to touch Elena's shoulder, hyper aware of her touch, of how fragile Elena was now, compared to her. "We'll fix it, okay? Together, all of us will work on it, and we'll figure it out, and you and Stefan can be together, and it will work out."

"You don't really believe that, do you? About Stefan and me?"

Caroline hesitated, and then shrugged. "I can't even figure out how to make a relationship work when one of us isn't a vampire. So what do I know? Maybe you two will beat the odds and have a happy ever after and ride into the sunset or something."

"But probably not."

"Maybe not."

Elena leaned into the hand Caroline left on her shoulder, and then shrugged it off, scooting over to lean into her side instead, hand dropping onto Caroline's shoulder. "I've missed you, you know. You and Bonnie, and our movie nights and disastrous road trips." Caroline didn't miss the way Elena hesitated, but she didn't mention it. "I've been kind of a lousy friend."

"You've been busy."

"That's no excuse." Elena nuzzled against her shoulder, and Caroline shut her eyes. "So what about you and Tyler? Is it like, monster movie crossover love? You do remember all the times he's been a jerk, right?"

"Like you have room to talk. And I don't know. He understands what it's like, and I just wanted to help him, if I could. It's not anything." It could be. Tyler was there, and he was alone, and they were both still trying to figure out who they were, still learning how to be at home in their new skins. It would be easy to fall into something more. There was Matt too, and she barely knew where that stood, other than too complicated. She didn't think she was what Matt would want, if he knew the truth. She and Matt were alike. They both wanted things they couldn't have, and they both could just disappear if they stood beside the people in their lives. Matt had vanished next to Vicky, for better or for worse. And Matt had wanted Elena first. Maybe that was just one more thing he and Caroline had in common.

Matt was love, but the wrong kind of love. Tyler would be a cheap shot and a fast path away from being alone, for a little while. Neither one were right, and Caroline knew she shouldn't let either one happen. She knew herself well enough to know that she might not stick to that conviction the next time she was lonely, though.

She changed the subject with a sudden teasing smile. "You know that your brother is completely crushing on Bonnie right?"

"Oh my god, I caught him checking out her butt the other day. I didn't know whether to warn her or hit him with my notebook," Elena laughed. "It was so awkward. I think she even knew and kind of liked it, which just made it surreal."

"Oh eww. He's like. . . Jeremy. He's your brother. He used to try to shortsheet your bed during slumber parties." It was just wrong, but sort of funny, in a way. Vampires, werewolves, magic and witches - and the idea of Elena's little brother dating Bonnie was still the weirdest thing going on. "We should go talk to her about it. I can threaten to tell my mom she's like, going for jailbait."

"I would, except I can't leave the house, remember?"

"I've got the witch casting the spell on speed dial. I bet she can lengthen the leash if I promise to keep you from running off into certain doom." Caroline turned, kissing the top of Elena's head and then standing, offering her a hand up while she dug out her phone to dial Bonnie. "Come on, we could use a girl's night. No little brothers or vampires allowed, other than me."

Elena let Caroline pull her up but then stopped, keeping her fingers curled around Caroline's. "It won't always be me, you know. Someday, things will even out, and it will be about you, and it will be my turn to just try to help, the way you do."

~~~

 **Getting Better**  
Bonnie wore a sleek black skirt and a scoop-necked top, the familiar necklace around her neck and her hair cut into a bob. She was older and sophisticated, the aura of power she carried with her more obvious and confident now. "You look good," Caroline told her quietly, as she slid into the driver's seat, hitting the door locks once Bonnie was in the car.

"So do you," Bonnie answered, a shade awkward and too-quiet.

"I look the same," Caroline countered. She always would. She could change her hair, her makeup, her clothes, but she'd never look older. She'd never have wrinkles or crows-feet or cellulite. She'd never have mom-hips or tan lines. She wouldn't have ever thought she'd miss those things, but it was funny the things you regretted once the possibility of having them had slipped away. "But thanks."

"I haven't seen you since graduation. Is everything okay? Stefan?" Bonnie looked over at her and she smiled, more genuine. The crease of her smile was just a little deeper, and Caroline wanted to trace it with a finger and map the shape of it with her touch. "I was really glad you came, you know."

"I was glad too." Caroline rolled her eyes. "God, Stefan. He's in like, Delaware or something. I don't even know what he's doing, but I told him unless he was going somewhere with tropical drinks, I wasn't going." She smiled at Bonnie. "Elena's home too, for a couple of weeks, for the wedding."

"It took Jenna and Ric long enough. I called them getting married like three years ago."

"God, who didn't?" Caroline pulled out of the airport, heading back toward Mystic Falls. "So I have the whole thing planned out. We're doing facials, pre-wedding, and then nails, and Elena's fitting for her bridesmaid gown, and then I've got a whole nostalgia night at-"

"Could we not?" Bonnie interrupted, and Caroline tightened her hands around the wheel a little, not saying anything as Bonnie stumbled to go on. "I mean, I want to hang out but I thought. . . I missed you." Bonnie fiddled with her necklace, and shook her head. "You know, I went away to college to try to find something. . .normal again. But I wasn't really normal anymore. Maybe I never was. And all I kept thinking was how much I wished you and Elena were there."

"I didn't think you wanted me there that much. It's not like I could get over the whole vampire thing."

"No, I know. It wasn't you that had to get past it, it was me." Bonnie looked over at her and motioned toward the side of the road. "Could we just stop for a bit? I've been wanting to say this to you for a long time, and I just couldn't figure out how over the phone or email. It wasn't right."

Caroline had seen her at graduation. They'd stayed friends, they had video chats with Elena and Rose. Bonnie could have talked to her before this. She didn't say that though, just pulled over, turning to face Bonnie. "I thought you wanted to just keep things the way they were."

Bonnie shook her head." "No. I made friends, I met people. I have a liberal arts degree, no possibility of finding a job, and I think I met the most pretentious people on the planet while I was getting getting my useless degree. But I figured out some things. That whole white picket fence, a steady job and coffeehouse conversations about books kind of life - it's not me. It's not who I am. It's not what I want, and I don't want to leave the people I love behind." She looked up, staring over the road, watching the trickle of cars passing them by. "Do you remember that time my tire blew out?" Caroline nodded, and Bonnie reached, fingertips light against Caroline's hand. "There was this girl at school. She reminded me of you."

Caroline was older too. There'd been Tyler, for a little while, and Matt after he'd found out the truth. Neither had lasted. There'd been Rose, for a few months, when Rose took her to Europe to shop and complain about the Salvatore brothers and their endless troubles. But there hadn't been anyone, not really. Bonnie's fingers felt warm against her skin, and she studied the familiar face, cataloging the minute difference. "I can call Elena, and tell her we'll be by later."

"Okay," Bonnie answered, and smiled, twisting her necklace and peering at Caroline from under her lashes. "We can talk about why if ONE MORE person asks me for a love potion after finding out I'm a witch, I'm going to turn into Maleficent."

"If you turn into a dragon, I'm taking you off my contact list," Caroline answered. Bonnie laughed and Caroline reached to touch the smile lines around her mouth before leaning in, sealing her mouth against Bonnie's in a slow, leisurely kiss that tasted like Bonnie's lip gloss and felt like coming home after years of being far away.

~~~


End file.
